The Phoenix

She had been through a thousand deaths and more. Countless were her descents into ashes and her ascents into flames. Endless were her breaths of transformation and infinite were her colours. Such was her nature. Something she had at long last stopped denying.

There had been a time when she had dreaded both the ashes and the flames - where she had tried to avoid their inevitability, where she had felt angry at the way it always had to come to this, where she had felt frustrated that it had to hurt…

Until she realised it didn’t. It didn’t have to hurt! It was a wind blown rainy day and she was feeling the October chill creep in as she knew transformation was once again upon her. She was sitting on a stone ledge at the entrance of a cave, on the peak of a mountain top she liked to fly up to when she felt the change coming. Sitting and contemplating. No thought seemed to be making itself heard. There was a still silence filling her from the core of her beingness and it was brimming with no-thing. A sense of nothingness that felt strange but also comfortable. So she did not push it away. She just stayed in it. Getting more and more cosy in its peace.

And that’s when it hit her! Enough! It was enough. No more avoiding. No more resisting. No. It was enough.

Relief filled her feathered body and a smile crept up into her eyes, as acceptance took the place of denial and she realised that all along she had had the choice. Crystal clear, right before her. She had always been given the chance to choose. But as long as she had been choosing to fight against her nature, that had been the experience and nothing else had been allowed. Yet, it had taken only a few instants of no-thing to make way for another possibility usually invisible to the noisy eye of insurgency.

Now she could feel herself teeter tottering on the edge of anticipation as her impending implosion into ashes made itself more and more tangible. 

She was finally safe. Just staying. No intent to seek or expect any other outcome. Grateful even, that she knew no more fight within. 

Smooth. Soft. A flowing dissolution. There was nothing to fear. It was her nature. To be the Phoenix. It was her gift.

And all of a sudden the one that had been here, was no more and the ashes were blown into the autumn wind. Blown away.

Until sparks of tingling fire started infusing the air with colour, creating the rainbow that was meant to birth the New One. She would know who she was, not from the past of who she had fought not to be, but from the now that she had received and been accepted into, through the heart of allowing. 

Each feather forming from a sparkle of the rainbow’s light, colours mixing and mingling into new unknown possibilities. And she was once more but no longer who she had ever been. Dancing on the wisps of laughter that life brought forth to celebrate her Home. Home in her true Nature. Ready to discover the unlived nows that her wings flapped into existence. In love. The love of all that she had ever been, was and could possibly be, renewed in the absolute acceptance of what Is.