The Strength of Harmony
Nothing. Absolutely nothing could be more relevant than making Peace with God. At least this is how she felt right now.
Tamara had come across this realisation amidst a turmoil of awareness that had been brought up by her intrepid approach to what she felt to be her Soul. She had been dancing back and forth with this for quite some time, getting closer, feeling amazed, then overwhelmed, then ashamed and unworthy and then boom, she was back at square one, or so it seemed.
So one fine day she decided to just sit inside of herself and feel the width and breadth of this, get to the bottom of it. She breathed. Sensed. Stayed. Let go of her thoughts. Came into a deep stillness in her core and then dived into a sharp pain she all of a sudden felt in the back of her heart, right beside her right shoulder blade.
As she dived into it, it got more intense. Still she breathed and persisted. Until she came across a furious, seething, vengeful warrior. Tall, wide, strong, armoured and not only angry but downright enraged. He seemed to be fighting against something but there was nothing there. He was fighting against thin air, much like D. Quixote in his battles against windmills.
Tamara approached him and stood there, watching, waiting for him to see her. Which he did. After a long while, in the midst of pausing for breath.
She looked him in the eyes, so that he could know she could see him. He was not expecting this. He himself looked her in the eyes and something made him stop, step back and let his armour down.
As she sensed him, for he was her, she felt a great grief, a sadness beyond description and a helplessness that no power amassed through victory could transform. He had lost many loved ones, entire populations, he had lost everything he cared for. And he could not understand. Why, if there was a God, did these things happen? Why was there so much suffering? Why?
So he had become angry at God. He didn’t want to be on this planet. He didn’t want to be human. He couldn’t take it anymore. He had played the role of the villain and of the victim and of the saviour too, but none gave him solace or answers.
And then again, if there was a God, who was to say which part He took in these battles of fate? Would He consider the ones who came and burned down our villages the ones who deserved His protection or would He consider us, the ones that killed them, to be worthy of His mercy? And what about when it was the other way around? Whose side would He take then? Were there even sides to be taken?
Tamara came closer to the warrior. Extended her hand. Offered her embrace. He did not know this. He had been fighting for so long that he had forgotten tenderness, gentleness, sweetness. The world was just too harsh a place to allow for such vulnerabilities. And yet she was here and it felt good to let her embrace him. An enormous lump of emotion welled up in his throat and he started sobbing uncontrollably. Like he had never sobbed before. Screaming, wailing, the tears soaking her shoulder. And he cried and cried and cried until he had no more strength in him and just fell down to his knees in an act of surrender. She kneeled with him and kept him in her arms. Just Present. Just compassionately Present.
She knew all of these feelings so well. And now she could own them, she could finally acknowledge them, embrace them and release all of the shame, all of the guilt, all of the blame. She could set herself free from hatred for she now realized she had done it all. Been it all. And had never really been able to overcome the emptiness. The deep deep emptiness of never feeling whole.
This had lead him, her, to play all sorts of power games, to be the victor, the saviour, the king and queen and to be the psychopath, the warlord, the mercenary, the nurse, the doctor, the slave, the pauper and the decision maker. And so much more. Power over others, power over things, places, situations, and powerlessness. She had played it all.
Once she started sensing her grander Self, her Divine Essence, she had actually been surprised to have one, such were the atrocities she had both experienced and perpetrated throughout the eons of her existence. Be it as a he or a she. It didn’t really matter. Wherever on the planet she or he had lived. It didn’t really matter.
And now he had come to her. She had been able to be so still, so compassionate, that this part of her that had been angry with God for a very long time, had shown himself.
And she could see it all. Of course, if the God in question were the one mankind had created to serve whichever side He was created by, and yet if He were to be loving and kind and all humans were His children - then this God did not make sense, could not be trusted. If this God was the one making the decisions as to who gets to persist or be destroyed, it was not really a God that could be understood. There was too much bias. Too much separation for this to be the answer.
However, in her approaching dance, Human to Soul, Soul to Human, she had come to know something different. She had realized she was loved no matter what and one of her most relevant discoveries was that here on Earth it is the Human Free Will doing the choosing and Soul cannot stop the Human facet of itself from experiencing whatever he or she chooses. Such is the freedom given to this facet. Good and bad are not commanded by outside forces but allowed or revoked from within each heart, each mind, each decision. For ultimately, in the eyes of Soul, there is no good and bad - there are experiences and their results. There is a realm of experiences to be had in separation from one’s Soul and a realm of experiences to be had in reunion as well. All of them expand realities, consciousness and possibilities yet some of them are creators of suffering and others of harmony.
Knowing this, was essential for her to be able to choose and decide which way to go, what she now allowed into her experience, what kind of reality she was willing to create, to live.
She had had enough of being in charge. Really. Control was becoming too demanding a habit and she had had enough. She had been willing to surrender to discovering a new way through the guidance of her Soul, the particle of God within her, but it had been elusive. And now she knew why. It was this warrior. This exhausted, angry, desperate warrior.
She was happy to allow these emotions to move. To invite this part of herself back home. When he was ready to trust. It was ok. She now knew how to wait. Her Soul had shown her the virtue of patience and her heart was more and more at peace each day as she explored the avenue of Love her Essence lay before her, one step at a time.
She was in no hurry. There was nowhere to get to. Not really. Just experiences to be had. And she had chosen merging to be had, as Human and Divine were becoming One whole with all of its parts like stars shining in the blackness of a moonlit sky. There was such beauty in the blackness of this sky, as there was also in the radiance of the moon and stars. They could not be without one another. But just as the moon seems to fade in the daylight and through its monthly cycle, so had her Soul seemed to not be there for a very long time.
Her love for this planet, for everything on it, every creature, plant, mineral, human just grew and grew the more she became One with her Essence. It was a natural thing. This love. This compassionate love.
She felt such an honour for all, a gratitude, a respect. So many journeys, all of them different. Some suffering so much. Others not seeming to but still suffering inside. And then a few who had realized they were God also, walking into a new kind of reality where suffering was not the common denominator.
She could see the dramas. Of course she could. She wasn’t pretending not to be a human also. What she couldn’t do was identify with them and get enmeshed in them. For she knew, she knew so very very firmly in her heart, that staying Present in the knowingness of God within could radiate tsunamis of consciousness all over the planet the likes of which no human fighting could ever achieve.
She had no interest in taking sides for she knew how precious compassion had been for her also. In her long challenging uncovering of all of her hidden layers of unacceptability, only the pure compassion of her Soul had been capable of keeping her safe enough to not be afraid of facing whatever came up, without judgement, without denial or rejection. She had had to become neutral, sensing all of the emotions, beliefs, experiences of her existence without having to fix them or change them. She could not change them. They had gone. They were past. But she could accept them and invite them back home, into her, the creator of each one. Dissolving. Transforming. Letting go. Choosing differently now. Acting differently. Being different. Her Soul had shown her how to be still and open. Receptive to every single unloved part of herself. And this had changed everything. Here. Now.
Tamara knew how powerful compassion was. How incredibly powerful her radiance was. She knew this so strongly that it mattered not who else knew, what others thought about it or what they did. With her warrior back Home, she could now use that strength, that courage to breathe impartial love into the world, each day and every moment, firm, determined, unwavered by the storms howling around her. She felt like a rod firmly riveted to the ground, being compassion. Yielding to it more and more. Getting out of the way by releasing centuries of cynicism, attachment to opinions and righteousness.
Now that the warrior had merged with her, her heart was strong enough to melt into her Soul and find herself on the other side of identity. For a new Chapter. A new Book. A new Earth. Hopefully for many. Yet with no attachment to an outcome. She knew she could choose only for herself. Choosing for others was an illusion and she would much rather use the energy of those attempts to be of service through her example of harmony and her radiance by experiencing it. It was not a common choice. But it was her choice. Her Soul’s invitation. One she accepted completely.
To experience a love so grand that no fear could deny - this was her ultimate design, the choice of all choices for her own journey.
The love affair with her Soul was that love, she had now discovered and in living it she was complete. No matter what.
Thus is the powerless strength of harmony within.
