It comes like a wave of the ocean as you are floating, barely holding onto the wreckage from the ship you were sailing in and it seems that it is going to engulf you.
For a moment you feel relieved that you will no longer be. And the next instant you decide to hold on. For no particular reason. It just occurs to you that you don’t know what’s on the other side of being here in the very same way you have no idea what it will be like here after the wave passes so you intuitively choose to find out the here after now, rather than the there.
The wave comes and you cannot breathe for a while. It is too enormous. Too intense. You temporarily lose all sense of who you are or where you are. There is a lot of tumbling, a few moments in-between to gasp for air, a little bit more struggling to stay afloat and then, after the turmoil, the sea is once again calm and soft, just holding you.
Of course you are tired now. You haven’t got a clue how you will summon the strength to keep your weight on the log but once the tiredness takes over you can’t do anything but trust that whatever comes to pass, it is the best for you and you succumb to the comforting bliss of sleep.
Many dreams come and visit your weary mind. Some more appealing than others. You wake up a few times in a daze, not knowing how you are still alive or whether you are, actually.
Your flesh seems solid enough and the pain in your body all too real for you not to be physically existent.
Surely many hours pass within this slumber, half awake, half asleep, sometimes completely taken into the colourful numbness of dreamland.
The sun comes and goes and comes again… and you remain afloat.
Thirst, hunger… They have somehow slipped to the back of your main concerns. You start wishing with all your heart that some sort of sailing device may appear on the horizon, see you and rescue you.
That’s when you remember what it was like to be on the ship rather than floating on its wreckage. It felt safer but not entirely safe, ever. There was always this imminent possibility of sinking. Come to think of it, now that it is only you and the piece of wood you are holding onto, it feels less scary than when you were on the ship itself! Isn’t that strange?
Well, not if you realise how much maintenance it required to keep it operating.
At least now it’s just you, the ocean and the floating wood. Not much to upkeep. No way to either. It is absolutely simple, really.
You figure your life was way to complex before this so gratitude starts to fill you. Yes! Gratitude! In the most unexpected circumstances. At least now you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So when a small sailing boat shows up like a white speck of light in the distance, you are content with whatever comes your way.
It approaches slowly. It seems like eternities away. But you have nothing else to do but wait. No need to fret.
Surprisingly, it is headed in your direction, as if you are a magnet attracting it. Now it’s worth waving and shouting. Not that anyone might hear you but just to create some commotion.
You have no idea how they spotted you but sure enough the ones on the boat see you and soon enough the boat is upon you. But it is empty. So you have to climb onto it yourself. It turns out there was no one in it all along. You are the one it has come for in order to be sailed! And it has everything you could possibly need right now. Everything!
You created something that is complete and perfect in itself, for you, here in this moment and you received it…
The sense of elation you feel is as no other ever felt before. It is not euphoric and yet it is extremely joyful. It is fulfilling and peaceful and sweetly loving. Oh it is so unbelievable too! Even though you are in it, sailing it! It will take a while for the realisation to descend upon you that you are it. All of this. All you behold. All.
A destination. Possibly you should be sailing somewhere. In some direction. But with the vast ocean 360º around you, there is so much possibility that it is hard to choose. You even have forgotten where you were headed in the first place, when the ship sank. And it doesn’t matter any more because whatever was awaiting you is no longer. You have erased it. You have died to it. You are a new one in a new vessel, on a new journey. Riding the waves of change with contented ease, a smiling heart and sparkling eyes, envisioning the new unknown as your safe haven of glory.
Blessed are those who sprinkle their willingness to live anew through each breath they offer to the stream of existence.
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