Immortality

I must have come in with a fault in my forgetfulness system, because ever since I was a small child, the sense of immortality was absolutely clear to me. I had no doubt about it.

And yet, everything around me proved me wrong. Or at least seemed to.

So that knowingness just faded away gradually, until round about the age of 12 it had completely been erased from my conscious awareness. 

That’s when I started wanting to die every so often. I would go into a deep dark despair about the harshness of life, the things people did to each other, the senselessness all around me and I could not find the answers that could somehow justify the suffering, so, often enough, I would cry into the night or any other time of day when I locked myself up in my room, just wanting to disappear and I would ask to be taken. But it never happened. What did happen was a sense of love washing over me, a warm embrace, reassuring me that I was in the right place, that I would be ok and I would one day understand and support many in understanding. 

I couldn’t quite get the understanding bit, or having any kind of significant role in that, but I could feel the love, the company, the support and the reassurance of the sweet voice that I felt in me, the comforting warmth, as if my tears were literally being wiped away by the kindest lightness and I would feel better. Not fully accepting, but at least well enough to keep on going.

I never actually tried anything suicidal, but the thought of it accompanied me well into my mid-thirties as an escape route, a possibility for there to be a way to not remain here, at least when things got too cloudy for me.

Until one day I realised it was just a protection mechanism. Something I had put in place as a last resource, in case things got too sticky down here. That was at about the same time as I was connecting more strongly than ever with my Essence and really choosing to surrender my limited perspective of struggle and pain to my wise Soul, so that She could show me a new vision, a new landscape of possibilities. So I came to terms with staying here without needing to entertain the thought of suicide or some other swift way of getting out of what seemed to be a physical prison - this thing called life. 

I realised this was the place where the separation had been created, and it was the place where it would be dissolved as well. Nowhere else.

I kissed all of my death wishes goodbye and took full responsibility for embracing life and discovering what was beyond the mountain of fight or flight.

The sense of immortality started growing in my heart and as I recollected lifetime upon lifetime back into the pool of my Essence, my original birthplace, it dawned on me that I had never really died! This thing called dying had seemed like a very real thing. It had happened in so many different ways, mostly more painful than not, but still I am here now! On and on and on.

Consciousness immortal. 

And I knew that even if I were not to have tapped into this experience of previous lifetimes and future potentials of me, still I would be immortal. I would disappear in the form of the me known as human, but I would dissolve into a trillion particles, floating in the air, in the riverbeds and oceans, growing as weeds, flowers and trees and being eaten by grazing animals and insects, only to become a part of their atoms also. Lifeforce changing its guise but ultimately perpetuating itself endlessly, even in the vastness of outer space, as the atoms that had previously been my physicality navigated through the ethers into the dust of the stars and the ground of planets, comets, meteors and asteroids. And beyond the atoms, I am space. First and foremost, free and unrestricted space. Empty. This is the soup of consciousness that defines any form I have ever and may ever seem to be.

I have such an undeniable sense of life beyond perceived death, that I can now only sense eternity as an infinite vastness where existence swims and dances forever. Ah and it inspires me.

I am inspired by the chirping of the birds in my garden and by the rustling of the leaves on a windy day. 

I am inspired by the laughter of a baby and the cry of the owl in the stillness of the night, as the raindrops tap on the rooftop and splash onto the porch. 

I am inspired by the trickling water seeping through a crack in the mountain and by the glimmer of the first morning light on the dew drops kissing the rose’s petals. 

I am inspired by the sparkling sand at the bottom of the ocean, with its rolling waves foaming on the surface as the sun sets in the horizon, turning the sky crimson, purple and orangy yellow. 

I am inspired by the moonlit icicles on the wintery silence of bare branches, and by the raging rumble of a thunderstorm. 

I am inspired by the seeds I plant, sprouting through the ground and by the chickens cackling their happy egg laying tune. 

I am inspired by the grass growing and drying after cut, turning into earth all over again. 

I am inspire by the miracles I watch every single day, as I witness people like you and me, from every corner of the world and any culture or creed, realise their wisdom and follow their hearts to create truly incredible lives of joy, bliss and freedom where tears are no longer banned. 

I am inspired by the New Earth that I live each day, where there is the ease of waking in the morning in a warm and comfortable bed, in a beautiful home I am so grateful someone knew how to build, the simplicity of not being bound by fixed schedules and ready made rules, unchangeable plans and a defined path. 

I am inspired by all of that which I have yet to discover and by all of that which has come to pass.

I am inspired by being in an exquisite physical body through which I can experience the hot and the cold, the tasty fragrances that colour my world and make it a delicious rhapsody of delight, even in the simple picking of mint leaves for tea or a few lemons for juice. The strength of this body, its resilience and flexibility, its intelligence and adaptability, its continuous transformations and subtle communication, all of this inspires me, as does my Soul in its unconditional compassion, the clear wisdom that is just here, available anytime. This Presence. Permanent. Clear. 

I am inspired by you. By your magnificent beauty. Your grace and the possibility of dancing with your smile and sitting with your tears, as with mine. 

I am inspired by all of us. By all of the almost impossible possibilities that this physicality allows and the creative source that each one brings forth into visible perception.

I am inspired by the swift way that energy serves me and observing how it reacts to my thoughts, words and actions.

I am inspired by all things the Nature of this Earth provides, from the sentient beings all the way down to the rocks of this planet and all the way out to the dark void it spins in, as well as all of the other planets and universes, suspended in nothingness, promising so much more than I can even conceive. 

Oh yes, I am inspired! Right here. Right now. The only moment I truly have. Yes. I have chosen to die into inspiration and be the vessel of passion. The passion for life eternal, completely fulfilled beyond needs or wants. Just this. I Am. And yet I am No-Thing. 

Expiring in each breath. Inspiring into eternity. 

Text by T. C. Aeelah

Photo by Sergio Souza - Pexels