Finding Oneself Home

 In the immense nothingness it had been decided. There was to be more. 

She was part of that more that came forth into knowing itself.

At first it was strange. Strange to know herself to be all and yet to be only a part. Oh but it was so beautiful. Such a love affair to come to knowing the infinities of more.

She had even agreed to forget. To pretend to get lost. And to discover herself through her lostness. Back into knowing.

The game of lostness had produced another one: Seeking. So she went out across the borders of perception and sought. Initially she was aware of seeking herself out of lostness through the endless landscapes of impossibility. Then she even forgot that. And seeking became a game in itself.

And it was so much fun! Seeking and never finding the core of what was being sought and yet finding so much in-between. It became her quest. The quest of Seeking in and for its own sake.

Incredible mountain ranges rose before her and no sooner had she reached one peak, then another would make itself essential to reach. And she enjoyed it so much. 

Though at some point it became tiring and she started complaining, which was only one more ingredient to add to the fun. 

On and on she sought. For eons of time, beyond the space of existent knowing.

And the wholeness of nothing expanded and grew and lhe love affair just kept on becoming the multitudes of experience rolling back into the infinity of its Source.

There had to be a moment, one unique moment in the endless seeking that ceased it, of course.

She knew this also. Deep down inside. And yet she kept on postponing it for the fun of more.

When her time to realize there was nothing to seek came, she sighed. Despite the fun of seeking there had so far been no greater bliss than the one of letting it go so that she could now bask in just staying. 

Now she could allow all that she and the zillions of other seekers had created to come to her, in the surrender of her staying. And staying became no less fun than seeking, yet it had a different flavour to it. A peace that spoke volumes of love and that had the power to embrace the whole of the multiverses she had been playing with so far.

As she observed other facets of wholeness coming to this same place of ceasing the search she saw different reactions. Most refused to accept to call the search off. They felt it would make them seem ignorant to have been searching for so long only to come to the conclusion there was nothing to search for and all there ever had been was right here in the place of their being. So they kept on pretending to be lost but with the added ingredient of knowing it was time to know themselves found.

Others made sure they did not see the moment of arriving where they had first ventured out from. It seemed too dull a prospect, the one of no longer having a burning need to seek.

Pretending not to be whole, complete and eternal was a game even more entertaining than the search itself.

And yet… Yet she could smile a smile of such profound compassion, knowing that all were to realize the staying and surrender to it and only then could they too find out how magnificent they had become as a result of pretending not to know.

She sat in her new space of discovering staying and radiated bliss. Loving. Just loving being that which she had not known and couldn’t ever grasp the far reaches of, even if she had kept on seeking. 

Only now could she fathom that the joy of discovery was an endless journey. How could she have ever thought it would be dull to drop the search and find herself Home? 

Like an ebb and flow, there were moments of nothing and moments of all - silence providing the ground for infinite possibilities.

She knew now that there was nowhere else to go. Nothing else to seek. It was just all happening at once. Here. Each moment a wholeness.

It made her laugh to look back at herself pretending to be limited with so much zest she could not have been told she was all there is. And her laugh echoed across the vast lands of forgetfulness and sounded a call of remembering to her fellow seekers.

Who knows what that might bring forth.

A sigh. A breath. A serene heartbeat. All is perfectly well in all of creation.

 

Text by T. C. Aeelah