Thank you Serena, for this profoundly loving testimonial of our journey together 🙏
Tania's Commitment to Me
Since childhood, and despite my past, I have always wanted to become all that I can BE in human form. I didn't know what that meant, but that passion kept me moving forward no matter how challenging life was for me.
I thought being alive meant I needed to pay attention to my beliefs that might be keeping me stuck. Working through memory and integrating aspects whenever I needed to was a part of that process. No matter how difficult it was to accept parts of my past, I continued to breathe, choosing to accept the truth without judgment. I believed this was how I was supposed to live and that it would ultimately create my awakening.
Whether I was aware of it or not, every step along my journey has been led by my Soul. In May of 2020, my memoir, I Am Serena, was published. Tania Castilho read it and contacted me. At the time, Norma Delaney was very ill. I had been attempting to help Norma in any way I could for months, but to no avail. She had not yet been diagnosed with cancer. I was used to working with her daily. Her guidance and loving support was a stabilizing factor in my life. As her illness became more pronounced, the tables turned. I led her in breath; I spoke to her many times a day, encouraging her with my love. I tried to find answers to why she was feeling so poorly. I felt powerless as she continued to decline.
Tania went from being an acquaintance to being someone I relied upon. I didn't trust her like I did Norma, but I felt her compassion, which was a balm for me during this painful time. Throughout Norma's illness, Tania's support held me. Whenever I was afraid, she would ask, "Can you trust Norma's journey?" Since I trusted Norma completely, this reminder helped me tremendously.
Despite the thousands of miles between Tania and me, I felt I wasn't alone. I knew she understood. One of my biggest fears throughout the years working with Norma had been the threat she might die, and now it was here! Watching Norma’s energy drain away was hard, but I didn't run; I didn't pretend it wasn't happening. Tania listened and provided compassionate guidance as I let Norma go.
During this time, I began to sense that I needed to come more deeply into my body. I discovered that my physical form was dense with dissociative energy. My Soul had done this intentionally over the long years of abuse to keep the trauma's damaging results reduced. To fully live, I had to integrate the dissociative energy, and this choice was my yes to living despite the fact that Norma was dying.
Tania made me two videos. She showed me how to do basic yoga stretches to learn how to move my body. The resistance to movement was massive for me. It slowly disappeared as I discovered joy in my ability to do specific actions like standing on my toes or bending forward to touch the ground. It felt good to move! I had always tolerated living in a physical form, but now I was discovering how good it felt to be alive.
Daily phone calls with Tania sustained me. Despite how frail Norma became, I still felt her love for me. At the time, I didn't know that Norma was embodying death so that I could release the trauma around it. I had experienced death abnormally as a young child growing up and feared it tremendously. As days turned into weeks and I walked the journey with Norma, I discovered that death does not mean that we die. I felt Norma's loving radiance surround me. I saw her eyes glow with compassion. I spoke to her from the other side, and she assured me that only the body was dying. I lived the experience a moment at a time, and it showed me unequivocally that no one dies.
Tania's strength held me as I grieved. It allowed me to face the truth of what Norma had given me all those years. Without judgment or recrimination on my part, I realized that Norma had made me her priority and that she had given me everything, even her energy, to keep me alive. Tania's compassionate insight helped bridge that difficult awareness. She asked, "Can you accept Norma's commitment and love to you without reservation? It was her choice, Serena." Choosing to receive all that Norma had given me opened my heart, strengthening me.
Tania helped me work through gruesome memories. She had no judgment. Her compassionate words of guidance resonated with me, melting the last of my distrust. She urged me to stop going into shock. I had never considered that as an option. Choosing not to create the emotion of shock became easier, and I found that I loved myself more than ever before through this conscious decision. That allowed the memories to effortlessly integrate.
Tania shared that this is a part of being a master creator. I no longer had to be a victim to the experiences of my past. Her guidance resonated with me as I found that this way of doing things worked for me. I began to understand more fully how the victim/tyrant/savior role had controlled me. Tania said it is a part of the world of duality, and when we awaken, we get to let go of the game of fear. Since choosing to let go of the game of fear in its entirety was a part of my Soul's plan before my birth, I was ready to receive it with open arms. I saw that Tania embodied what she taught. Tania was the real deal.
Due to the years of trauma that I had endured, my intestines were unable to digest most fruits and vegetables. It was getting worse, and no matter what supplement I tried, I couldn't seem to heal this area of my body. I asked Tania for help, and she introduced me to her associate and close friend, Joana Ferreira. Joana intuitively scanned my body and suggested a food plan. I was distressed with her suggestions, but Tania encouraged me to proceed anyway. I made a radical change in my diet to help my body heal, and I kept breathing the aspects home as I embarked on this new eating plan. Joana did zoom meetings with me, instructing me on how to cook differently. We prepared dishes together, and I learned how to use vegetables in a new way that fed my body the nutrients it needed. The results were terrific! I lost over fifty pounds. I eat the vegetables and fruits that used to upset my stomach, and I use garlic and spices without misgivings. I didn't want to acknowledge that it is important what we put into our bodies. I wanted to eat sweets at will, but that was part of my emotional immaturity that needed to change. I am healthier than I have ever been in my life.
Months into our work, Tania invited me to consider the possibility that I could stop working on memories, which was surprising for me since I thought I needed to remember every memory to integrate its aspects. She told me that despite the story changing, the brutality remained the same, and if I were willing, I could stop hurting myself by reliving the drama of my past. I could integrate the aspects whenever they came up and trust my Essence to let go. Even though her statement seemed outrageous to me, I sensed the validity of it. I opened to a new way of doing things, and memories ceased, to my amazement.
Tania was introducing me to a new way of living life without the desperate need to understand everything. I had always worked at being alive, struggling to get better. She told me I could trust my Soul entirely. But I didn't trust myself. I still believed I was dangerous. If I ignored my thoughts and my beliefs, I might hurt someone or myself. I intentionally surrendered into the darkness of that belief, allowing it to grow until it got so big it dissipated, which released an energetic knot that I had carried all my life. Whenever a problem arose and I surrendered my need to understand, I discovered that the issue would melt and integrate on its own, which was a monumental step in my learning to trust. And if I fell into the old trap of analyzing, Tania would stop me and invite me to trust again. I began to feel a difference within me. My mind quietened; I wasn't in reaction as much. I trusted where my life was going. I felt empowered.
On December 25th 2020, Tania gave me a precious gift. She told me it was time for me to continue this work on my own. A few months earlier, Tania and I had uncovered my false soul, created by my Mind, and my reliance on it. It was scary to acknowledge how much I liked its guidance. I liked how it made me feel when I heard it speaking to me. I wanted to be told what I needed to do at every moment if I asked. With Tania's encouragement, I had been letting go of my need for my false soul's words and instructions and allowing silence to be my friend. I had genuine moments of Being. So when Tania said it was time for me to stop relying on her for answers, I was ready for the next step in my adventure of unfoldment.
I wasn't entirely on my own. Tania's energetic support was always with me. I messaged her, and she responded. But letting go of the daily talks was a crucial step for me. I had spoken daily to Norma and Tania, looking for their input and advice to guide me in my life because I believed they were wiser than me, and I had been doing this for over twenty years. It was time for me to grow up. Stopping that practice to go within only strengthened me. I learned I could trust myself. The more I let go of my reliance on words, the more I transformed. I found I could handle things that came up with ease. There was a connectedness of awareness for me that I had never had before, and as the dissociative energy left my body, I continued to flourish.
I message Tania and share the wonderful changes I am experiencing, and if she feels I need direction, she gives it. She has always been candid with me, even when it is difficult for her. She puts my welfare first before her feelings of comfort. She knows how committed I am to my unfoldment and honors me in this way.
Tania wrote an email shortly after Norma's passing that created angry reactions from various people. I was involved in its writing, so I was taken aback by their indignation directed at Tania, but she didn't react. Instead, she breathed, allowing others to have their opinion. She didn't need to explain. She remained quiet. She let her stillness guide her. Tania told me to stay in my breath because I could not afford to react and create drama in my life. "Allow others to make their choice, and you make yours," she said. I learned from that experience. Being an awakened human being takes courage. You don't fight because fighting is a part of the game of duality.
I now realize Norma was like a butterfly catcher, holding my aspects tenderly as they fluttered in fear. With each compassionate embrace, she energetically helped 'us,' adding to my wholeness through breath. Year upon year, Norma helped me learn the difference between real and pretend. She showed me how to feel without running; she loved me unconditionally. Norma taught me the gift of conscious breath and integrating aspects. She took the time to dissect a labyrinth of belief systems created by years of training—all of this and so much more which helped me become a real live human being.
When I met Tania, I was ready to take what Norma had taught me and build upon it, and this was Tania's commitment to me. She honored my choice to become an enlightened human being by loving me unconditionally. Love is truth. Love is abiding in all things. Love is strength in silence. Love does not fight, it allows, and Love always honors another person's choices. I had experienced that Love from Norma, but I was learning how to effectively live that kind of Love in my life through Tania's example.
Tania demonstrated that living life from ease and grace is possible. Years ago, Norma told me I could stop struggling and live my life that way, but I didn't believe her. I thought Norma was one of a kind. But now I know the truth: Tania has demonstrated to me that every one of us can have that kind of life if we are willing to surrender to our Essence and open to a new way of living. It isn't an easy choice, but it is worth it. I am living proof that it works. Gone are the thoughts of cruelty and demand. I feel a stillness within me and know it is my authentic home. I continue to unfold a moment at a time. And, I am blessed because Tania Castilho is right there walking the path alongside me, ready to share in a moment's notice anything she can to help me realize my dream of becoming ALL that I can BE in human form.
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