Once upon a time, a baby girl was unexpectedly born to a young couple who did not quite know what to do.
Her mother felt lost, confused, frustrated, afraid, angry and elated, all at once.
She had no idea how to take care of a baby. Had never really thought about it.
She was told not to breast feed the baby other than at specific times and she thought that ignoring her when she cried would educate her not to cry.
Meanwhile, the baby girl had no idea why she felt unloved, she felt terrified, unsafe, undeserving, on the verge of survival and she felt guilty and ashamed of herself.
She also felt her mother’s emotions, as well as her father’s sense of total inadequacy with such a fragile being.
The baby grew into a lonely little girl, not knowing exactly what to do to be accepted and acceptable - to be loved.
She learnt that when she was ill, she got more attention - a very matter of fact attention, but attention, nonetheless.
So she was ill very often.
She learnt that being a victim paid off and that fighting gave her power when she won, and made her long for more when she lost.
So she learnt how to be a warrior. She realised that in order to be seen, she would have to prove her worth and do great things, all without help. Needing help meant she was not good enough.
She learnt to be a manipulator in order to earn the approval she mistook for love.
She learnt that saying “yes” when she wanted to say “no” was mostly the best way to keep everyone “loving” her.
Nevertheless, she felt empty.
She felt lost.
She felt lacking something fundamental, something that no matter how hard she tried to please, she could not achieve.
She thought love was somewhere out there and that probably she would find it In a relationship.
She thought that if she allowed sex just to satisfy her partner, she would be appreciated. It was the right thing for a woman to do.
She had no idea her body was crying all along.
She had no concept of self-respect and thus, she did not respect her energy, her life, her choices, her uniqueness, she did not know who she was.
But somewhere, deep down inside, she felt a stirring.
She had always known she was eternal. She had always felt a warm embrace in her darkest moments. A flood of comfort coming from within, whenever she was considering giving up on life.
She had the certainty that there was a purpose for all she was going through, somewhere, and was determined to find it.
Little did she know that she need not seek, for it was and had always been right here, within herself.
She found out there were no coincidences and she also found out the whole world was a mere reflexion of herself - of her own view of reality.
She realised there was a harmonious grace in all of creation and so as there was darkness, so was there light.
She understood that all of her pain resided in the parts of herself she rejected, despised, ignored - and hence commenced the Dark Night of her Soul.
As soon as she became capable of embracing her unloved self, void of judgement, in the purest compassion, the victim dissolved.
It did not need to cry out for attention any longer, it did not need to abuse or be abused any longer. And the saviour also perished, for all experiences are a pathway back home.
Sometimes they lead to separation, pain, suffering, effort, drama, only to sooner or later lead to reunion, joy, bliss, harmony, balance and ultimately love.
She felt finally Safe. Finally Home.
She had fallen into herself and then and there she had known that her self worth did not depend on who she thought she was or was not, on who others thought she was or was not, it was an ever present glow of wisdom to be discovered and allowed breath by breath, in complete surrender to her essence, the Divine spark of Isness that transcends Time and Space, aspects of personality, physical limitations and fixed belief systems.
So she breathed. Breathed and allowed. Breathed and surrendered. Breathed and let go. Breathed and merged.
“Energy serves the consciousness you allow”, became her mantra and letting go, letting flow, became her dance.
She took full responsibility for being a clear reflexion of coherence, aligning word, thought and deed to the common cause of living in gratitude for All - and Love became her reality.
A love that words cannot define, a seamless serenity that is born from no-thing-ness and to it returns, one breath at a time.
She realised her purpose, her greatest service to humanity was simply to be, moment to moment, in complete surrender to the blissful compassion of Essence, honouring herself in her graceful glory. Honouring all in their own free will and sovereignty to be a zillion colours of the most perfect diamond.
She was free. Finally free from guilt, shame, doubt, fear - finally free to just be, freeing everyone from the illusions of her needy self, as it dissolved into the truth of overflowing, infinite abundance.
No one can give you what you already have, what you already are - you cannot not be all that you already are. Allow it, for you are much more than enough.
You are an essential, unique, extra-ordinary Divine Human - a Goddess in all of her radiant Glory, a God in all of his radiant Glory.
For your sake, for the sake of all, please allow yourself to allow her.
This is the story, my story, her story, which I shared at Annual Women Economic Forum 2020, in Cairo, Egypt in the plenary session under the theme: The Role and Power of Self-Belief & Self-Care.
Thank you Dr Harbeen Arora for all your Love, for all of the inspiration, for all of the opportunities, for all of the support, for all of the recognition. For ALL.
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