sábado, 20 de agosto de 2016

Never Give Up? / Nunca Desistas?

Never Give Up

Such a darned dual statement.

On one hand essential to be done, on the other essential not to be done… just because in this volatile physical reality there is ALWAYS a SOMETIMES and NEVER is quite a treacherous concept indeed…

Let me explain what I’m getting at ;)

“Never Give Up” as a synonym of Determination is a MUST in any endeavour.

Nevertheless, and giving a concrete example here, my steadfast determination ultimately lead me to give it all up!!! In other words, I only ever really fell into myself and experienced true fulfilment when I gave up. 

      When I gave up trying to be better
·         When I gave up pretending
·         When I gave up trying to fix my chaos and chaos elsewhere
·         When I gave up trying to figure the way out of the mess I was in
·         When I gave up fighting
·         When I gave up trying to make sense
     When I gave up on needing to be in control
     When I gave up on identity
     When I gave up of heaps of stuffy beliefs and stale practices and habits
·         When I gave up trying to understand the multitude of discrepancies in the World
      When I gave up on TRYING
·         When I even gave up on wanting to live! There came a point when it was “either… or” for me. Either out of duality, inside of me at least, or out of here altogether

By giving up I gave way to complete surrender and only then did I definitely start Living, Feeling, Enjoying, Being.

But….. because in duality there is ALWAYS a BUT ;) Never give up on surrender to Essence, on Trust… On Life, Love, Isness.

This is the simple, sure way to every heartfelt dream, every wish for “happiness” and blissful grace.

So, give up or never give up?

I would say “never give up on giving up” as in letting go, surrendering, flowing, loving, living :)

I only ever get anything worthwhile done in everyday life, when I give up on "efforting" and fall back into my endless Ocean of Knowingness, discovering a new way moment to moment. 


Nunca Desistas?

Uma afirmação e tanto. 

Por um lado é essencial que se faça, por outro lado é essencial que não se faça... apenas porque nesta realidade física extremamente volátil há SEMPRE um ÁS VEZES e NUNCA é um conceito bastante traiçoeiro...

Deixem-me explicar onde quero chegar ;)

"Nunca desistas" como sinónimo de Determinação é ESSENCIAL em qualquer demanda. 

No entanto, e dando um exemplo concreto, a minha determinação inabalável levou-me em última instância a desistir de tudo!!! Por outras palavras, apenas caí completamente em mim, experienciando completude real, quando desisti...

Quando desisti de tentar ser melhor
Quando desisti de fingir
Quando desisti de tentar reparar o meu caos e o caos por todo o lado
Quando desisti de tentar descobrir uma saída para a alhada em que estava metida
Quando desisti de lutar
Quando desisti de tentar fazer sentido
Quando desisti de ter que ter tudo sob controlo
Quando desisti de ter que ter uma identidade
Quando desisti de montes de crenças bafientas e práticas e hábitos obsoletos
Quando desisti de tentar compreender as múltiplas discrepâncias pelo mundo fora
Quando desisti de TENTAR
Quando desisti de querer viver! Cheguei a um ponto em que ou eu realmente caía em mim de vez ou não valia a pena cá andar. Ou saía da dualidade interna ou saí daqui!

Ao desistir deixei o caminho livre para render-me por completo e foi apenas nessa altura que comecei definitivamente a Viver, a Sentir, a Desfrutar, a Ser. 

Mas... porque na dualidade há SEMPRE um MAS ;) Nunca desistas de te render à tua Essência, à Confiança... à Vida, ao Amor, a Ser. 

Esta é a forma simples e segura para chegar a todos os sonhos profundamente sentidos no teu coração, a todos os teus desejos de "felicidade" e graça. 

E então, desistir ou nunca desistir

Eu diria "nunca desistas de desistir", largar, renderes-te, fluir, amar, viver :)

As únicas vezes em que consigo realizar algo realmente valioso e consistente na vida, são aquelas em que largo o "esforço" e me deixo recostar no meu Oceano Infinito de Sabedoria, descobrindo uma nova forma, um novo caminho, momento a momento. 

sexta-feira, 12 de agosto de 2016

Enlightenment Express

The urgency for Enlightenment. I have seen it. I have lived it. And it can be a very enticing trap. A distraction from itself, even.

Once I started realising how much I had to integrate before I could ever feel free from the burden of Human Aspects, on one hand I wanted to do it and do it fast. On the other hand, it seemed quite impossible to ever get it all done. So there was this duality between steadfast determination and overwhelm.

I eventually realised that it served me no purpose to keep on looking at the unfathomable size of the mountain before me. So I held onto determination and set off on my journey like the traveller with no map, treading the path as it presented itself step by step.

Though it was hard anyway, at least I only had to deal with each now. Staying in it was another issue. Some of the stuff I was digging up was gruesome. However, there was no way to integrate it but to stay in it, to feel it, to allow it, to accept it, to walk through it. This, and only this, lead Aspects to dissolve, memories upon memories that told tales of strife, suffering, torture, pain, evil, terror, loss, grief… you name it. I had to grab the bull by the horns this time. No turning back. No looking the other way. No pretending these emotions and experiences were not there. Just staying. Observing from the safe, compassionate berth of Essence, letting myself burn in my own transmuting fire. A fire that destroys only illusion. A regenerating fire that blends Human and Divine, Feminine and Masculine into One new speck of Isness.

Nothing could have prepared me for the extent of emotions these memories brought up. Nothing but Essence could have kept me sane and aware in the midst of this hurricane. I could not have possibly lived through this upheaval if I had gone in through the Mind, focussing on the stories rather than on the feelings themselves. I would have gotten caught up in the curious inspection of details the Mind always thrives on. And I would have gotten lost in it. The stories did not matter at all. It was the purpose that mattered, and only that. The purpose was, of course, Integration. Any kind of judgment would not have allowed it to flow. Not only because of the complexity of the stories, but also because of the sheer amount of Aspects coming in – millions… billions of Aspects. Over a thousand lifetimes worth of Aspects. There is no way the Mind could have grasped but a very small fraction of the process.

In a process of this nature Aspects come in waves. Many at the same time from many different lifetimes, all of the same kind, all at once. It is not possible or necessary to know all of the “whos” and the “whys”. It is the general underlying feeling that matters and only that. This is what dissolves into the infinite pool of Essence. Thus the memories are decharged of their emotional weight and we become lighter and lighter, freer and freer… We don’t forget. We simply become detached from the memories, since the Personality Aspects that were creating attachment dissolve as we also detach from the need to be/think/act in a certain way. The memory becomes a sort of non-personified event, like a part of a film that we no longer own. It is literally a succession of deaths within this same lifetime, when those memories become so powerless that they seem part of another lifetime altogether.

Ah, yes, I did sometimes need help. I needed someone to be there, a pillar of Essence, keeping me connected to my own Essence as I dived into my Darkness. I needed someone to remind me I was still here, now, bringing back my lost “children” but I was not them. I needed someone to hold my hand in complete Compassion, reminding me that I was safe, that none of what I was feeling mattered any longer, that it was time for “farewell and move on”.

We tend to get so involved with the strongest, most stubborn Aspects that they seem to be Who we Are. Once we realise it is not so, observing with no attachment can get tricky because we easily get sucked in by their “logic”. So it helps immensely to have someone right there, reminding us of Essence, helping us let go of judgment, keeping our heart open and welcoming it all back Home. Also some of these Aspects are proficient at playing hide and seek, so when we decide to “go after” them they disappear and show up again only when we are not paying attention. In a consistent process of Integration, however, this is not very effective. When the time comes and we have made the firm decision that enough is enough, it helps to have someone compassionately reflect our wisdom, so that when we dive inside and the Aspects all keep quiet, we stay, keep on compassionately inviting and wait for these parts to feel curious and come out. We stay, quiet, no argumentation, no judgment, no forcing – we allow. And thus the inner magic of Integration happens.
The moments of Peace became longer and more frequent in between the Tsunamis of Aspects. Tsunamis became just large waves and then smaller and smaller waves, allowing me to keep my balance more and more.

One day, unexpectedly, I totally collapsed into myself. The Mind literally fell in Love with Essence and kept quiet. Silence. Complete surrender. The Body allowed itself to be washed over by Essence in such a way that it no longer felt solid. My heart exploded with Joy. I knew not who I was. I did not need to either. Bliss. Pure and simple.

I had had many expectations and preconceived ideas about Elightenment. I knew this was it though it didn’t fit into most of my previously possible categories. It didn’t matter anyway. The Peace in my heart is such that none of my past recipes matter. One thing is certain: Enlightenment is not an event – it is an ongoing experience. The event of collapsing into myself, so to speak, is just a very significant turning point. It’s like a point of no return from where on Enlightenment is no longer an aim but a permanent experience, a permanent knowingness. It takes constant adjusting to different dimensions and vibrations. At first it took me a while to figure out how to stay on Earth even. I could have chosen to dissolve completely at that moment. I chose to stay and experience this in the Body with a Mind. I am thankful for every single “nothingness” in my life. I know I can stay or leave whenever I choose to. I know I Am that I Am… not Who I Am :) And this gets quite comical at times :)

I had only one aim. Now I have only one purpose. It was and is - to Be - which is, at its core, free of purpose. I accept all of its colours and aromas. I know that while in a Human body, living a Human life, Being is multiflavoured. There is always an AND… Yet, the underlying Isness is a constant. It holds me as I Am It, dissolving permanently.

And no, I don’t know everything. I now realise it is absolutely unnecessary. I don’t foresee everything simply because not everything is foreseeable. I can’t walk through walls, levitate or create precious stones out of thin air. Who knows one day I might… or not… it doesn’t really matter or prove anything! I sometimes make silly choices, do, say and think nonsense and occasionally get off balance. The big difference is I have only one thought at a time and total silence very often, my heart never gets confused and feelings of anger or sadness are very easy to deal with because on one hand they are mostly not mine and on the other, when they are, all I need to do is dive into these feelings and walk myself through them, breathing and staying in my Point of Presence. I am instantly aware of incoherences in my actions or words which I can readjust that very moment. The illusions of lack and separation are dead and there is no longer anything remotely similar to the full range of confusing emotions that used to keep me up and down on a roller coaster ride of drama or euforia.

Dealing with others and the whole experience of life on Earth is a constant challenge between seeing beyond the veils of illusion and voluntarily playing with them. This is, in fact, the great difference between before and now. I create Aspects consciously. I make choices consciously. I live consciously. I know and assume my entire responsibility for all of my interactions with “reality” and though I know none of it really matters at all I also know it makes a complete difference to Be or not to Be :)

Ah and yes, I do sometimes feel overwhelmed and frustrated with this new experience of living as a conscious Divine Human in the midst of a “normal” life, and at times would rather live somewhere remote where the mish mash of everyone’s thoughts and feelings could not be felt so intensely, where sense, reason and feeling can remain in constant balanced bliss… but then again… I always end up choosing to go along with this experience right here in everyday life with its everyday colours, living and creating my reality in a parallel dimension that, however, interacts with 3D… And so it is that, like an astronaut on an expedition through unknown universes, I am learning each moment, discovering, expanding… thankfully BEing.

segunda-feira, 1 de agosto de 2016

A Tua Orquestra Criativa

A Tua Orquestra Criativa - Sessão de Respiração Consciente da Semana com T. C. Aeelah

Uma pequena história de Compaixão / A Short Tale of Compassion

Hoje veio-me à memória um episódio muito significativo que tive ocasião de experienciar há dois anos atrás.

Decidi experimentar fazer mergulho. O silêncio. A beleza. A transparência. Sempre me fascinou. Mal sabia eu que usar óculos que cobrem o nariz, com botijas às costas e um tubo na boca, pesos à cintura e… barbatanas nos pés, todos pela primeira vez me faria sentir como um trôpego e desajeitado espantalho! E ainda por cima ainda era suposto cair na água de costas, respirar apenas pela boca e sentir-me suficientemente confortável para mergulhar uns quantos metros até ao fundo do mar.

Precisava de tempo para me acostumar a tudo isto para depois poder confiar. No entanto, o instrutor que me acompanhava, para quem tudo isto era tão completamente simples que não se lhe afigurava que alguém pudesse precisar de tempo para se acostumar, decidiu começar a descida. Eu não me sentia pronta, precisava de praticar mais esta respiração pela boca. Ele não se sentia paciente. Ou eu descia ou ía para dentro do barco. Claro está que fui para dentro do barco. Não podia ser pressionada a confiar, tinha que cair nessa confiança no meu próprio tempo e por mais que quisesse sentir-me no fundo do mar não me ía forçar a descer só pela urgência do momento.

O instrutor, claro, tendo mais de 40 anos de experiência disto – era quase como se ele próprio tivesse barbatanas – não conseguia perceber por que raio alguém não se haveria de sentir instantaneamente seguro para mergulhar, especialmente com a sua mestria a conduzir o processo. Era um ponto de vista mais que válido.

Mas também é válido que forçar a confiança numa nova experiência é uma forma eficaz de criar resistência e a resistência é uma forma eficaz de criar o seu oposto – falta de confiança – e eis que nasce um Aspeto desintegrado!

E porque é que estou a escrever sobre isto?

Observa os teus Aspetos. Os mais presos. Aqueles a quem já disseste repetidas vezes que já não queres mais na tua vida. Estás fart@ deles! Queres que desapareçam já. São as tuas partes que se metem sempre no caminho das tuas novas escolhas. São as partes que queres aceitar mas com quem acabas por discutir ao invés disso. São as partes que te fazem sentir zangad@ e frustrad@ contigo mesm@. São as partes às quais já disseste uma e outra vez que é seguro retornarem para Casa, que não precisas mais dessas partes, que és capaz de seguir agora um novo rumo.

Agora vê a minha figura. Por mais que quisesse experienciar o fundo do mar, fazendo essa escolha, por mais que me sentisse pronta… quando estava no meio da experiência propriamente dita percebi que precisava de mais tempo, que precisava de ir devagar. Eu sabia que era capaz e que era o que eu queria, mas no ao meu próprio ritmo, sentindo confiança gradualmente até que ela me envolvesse por completo e eu me diluísse, entregue a ela.

É isto mesmo que se passa entre nós e os nossos Aspetos. Uma coisa é nós decidirmos que estamos prontos para largar um velho hábito e queremos criar um novo caminho. Outra é estes Aspetos sentirem a nossa total confiança nesta nossa escolha e outra ainda é eles confiarem que é chegada a hora de mergulharem na Essência, de retorno ao seu estado neutro. É algo desconhecido. É aliciante, brilhante, parece seguro, mas…

Quanto mais nos forçamos a integrar, mais longe ficamos da integração… Porquê? Porque enquanto andamos entretidos a tentar forçar a mudança, a nossa Mente/Personalidade encontra formas para nos persuadir a não fazê-lo. Sem que notemos, os Aspetos recriam-se para poderem continuar a ser-nos úteis, tornando-se um pouco mais como queremos ser, mas conservando as camadas contra as quais temos estado a lutar. Estas camadas fazem o favor de aparecer quando não estamos atentos, nas ocasiões em que não damos conta…

Solução: escolhe firmemente. Confia na tua escolha. Larga a medição de forças. Segue. Desfruta da tua vida. E acima de tudo sê Compassivamente Paciente contigo mesm@. Sê generos@ e grat@ contigo mesm@. Sabe que a tua escolha está realizada. É uma questão de física quântica. O que estás a experienciar são os passos para a sua realização porque na 3D tudo se passa em câmara lenta ;)

Recordo-me de ter escolhido e escolhido e escolhido uma e outra vez largar um “jogo” que aprendi a jogar com empréstimos bancários e cartões de crédito. Este Aspeto que criei para me manter a cabeça à tona no seio de gigantescas asneiras financeiras era muito expedito e nunca me desiludiu. Mas tornou-se extremamente cansativo. Já chegava. Sentia que me estava a sugar a própria vida. Já não aguentava mais. Mas por mais que dissesse que já chegava não consegui ver-me livre deste “jogo”. Tive que largar o assunto e seguir a minha vida em aceitação disto, como de tudo o resto. Tive que permitir-me desfrutar da minha vida e confiar que também isto estava resolvido. Não sabia quando. Nem sabia como. Passaram dois anos desde a minha primeira decisão de mudança até à solução maior, com várias outras pelo meio. E ainda estou a assistir ao desaparecimento do restante. E confio. Sei que já está. Ainda que apenas uma grande parte esteja já manifesta, sei que o tempo do resto chegará.

A integração de um Aspeto é uma coisa. O efeito que tem na nossa realidade é outra. Ambos são quânticos, a Integração e o seu efeito. Todavia, a forma como o efeito se apresenta tem o seu próprio ritmo. Quanto mais aceitamos isto, mais fácil se torna vivermos em Alegria, não obstante o lapso entre o quântico e o físico.

Tem sido a minha lição de Paciência. De Paciência Compassiva. De Confiança. De dançar com a vida que está Aqui, Agora…

E estou Graciosamente Grata <3


Today I recalled a very meaningful episode I experienced about two years ago.

I decided to go scuba diving. The silence. The beauty. The transparence. It has always fascinated me. Little did I know that wearing goggles that cover the nose, together with tanks on my back and a tube in my mouth, plus weights on my waist and… fins on my feet, all of which for the first time would be a rather cumbersome experience, to say the very least. And let alone all of this I was then expected to fall into the water back first, breathe into the mouth tube only… and feel comfortable enough to go straight down to the bottom of the sea for a few metres.

I needed time to get accustomed to it all so that I could trust how I felt and then go down. The instructor I was with, however, thought it was all too simple and after just a few minutes up on the surface for me to practice breathing into the mouth piece, decided it was time to start going down. I didn’t feel ready. He didn’t feel patient. Either I went down or out of the water into the boat. Needless to say I went into the boat. I was not about to be pressured to trust. I needed to fall into trust in my own time and no matter how much I wanted to experience the bottom of the sea I would not force myself down just for the urgency of the moment.

The instructor, of course, having over 40 years’ experience doing this - he almost had fins himself - could not fathom why on earth anyone could not immediately feel safe to dive, especially with his extremely competent guidance. I understand his point of view entirely.

But I also know that forcing trust with a new experience is a sure way to create resistance and resistance is a sure way to create the opposite – mistrust – and hence a stuck Aspect!

And why I am writing about this?

Picture your Aspects. The stickiest ones. The ones you have said time and again you don’t want anymore. You’re fed up of. You want to get rid of right now. The ones that always get in the way of your new choices. The ones that you want to accept but argue with instead. The ones that make you angry and frustrated at yourself. The ones you have told time and again that it is safe for them to come back Home, that you no longer need them, that you are capable of going along your own new way now.

Now picture me. As much as I wanted to experiece the bottom of the sea, making that choice, as much as I felt I was ready… when I was right in the midst of the experience I realised I needed more time, I needed to go slowly. I knew I could and wanted to do it, but at my own pace, feeling trust gradually until it took over and I could surrender.

This is what goes on between us and our Aspects. One thing is us deciding we are ready to let go of some old habit and create a new path. Another is these Aspects feeling our complete trust in this and yet another is them trusting to dive into Essence. It is unknown. It is enticing, it is brilliant, it seems safe, but…

The more we force ourselves to Integrate, the further we step away from Integration… Why? 

Because while we are busy trying to force change our Mind/Personality finds ways to persuade us otherwise. Without us even noticing it, Aspects recreate themselves in order to continue to be useful to us, bringing a twist to their falvour, becoming a little bit more like what we want ourselves to be, but still having the overlays that we have been fighting against so much. These overlays peek in when we are not paying attention, in the occasions when they are not noticed…

Solution: choose firmly. Trust your choice. Let go of the arm wrestling. Walk on. Enjoy your life. And most of all be Compassionately Patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself, be thankful. Know that your choice is realised. It is quantum physics. All you are experiencing are the steps to its realisation just because in 3D all is speeded down to slow motion ;)

I remember having chosen and chosen and chosen again to let go of a “game” I learnt to play with bank loans and credit cards. The Aspect I had created to keep my head above water in the midst of huge financial blunders was proficient and never ever let me down. But it became terribly tiring. I had had enough of it. I felt it was sucking my life force out of me. I could take it no longer. Yet no amount of saying it was enough did the trick. I had to let go first. I had to go about my life accepting this as I accepted everything else. I had to enjoy my life and trust that this too was resolved. Not knowing when. Not knowing how. It took two years from my firm decision to the solution – several solutions along the way. And I am still watching the rest of it disappear. And I trust. I know it is over. All of it. Though only part of it - a large part though – is already manifest. An Aspect integrating is one thing. The effect it has on our reality is another. Both are quantum, the Integration and the effect. However, the way the effect presents itself has its own rhythm. The more we accept this, the easier it is to live in Joy, irrespective of the lapse between quantum and physical ;)

It has been my lesson of Patience. Of Compassionate Patience. Of Trust. Of dancing with the life that is Here, Now…

And I am Gracefully Thankful <3